“I don’t actually drink coffee,” I told her. She laughed. “I only ask girls for coffee because it’d be weird if I asked them to get Taco Bell or to play video games.”
We sat down and talked for about an hour without any awkward pauses. She seemed to like me. She even answered my texts in the days after the date. Then one day she stopped. The matches stopped, too. Hardly any were trickling in now. I consulted the PUA. gods on Reddit to see what happened.
Their consensus was she found someone better. They said women can choose from the best of men, while all men (save for the Brad Pitts) are forced to choose from the homeliest of women. It was a numbers game, according to them. Meanwhile, each lowly man only had a handful of matches with which to work.
The Men’s Rights vibe I started to get from r/Tinder turned me off to the app completely…until my friends got involved.
“You’re probably doing it wrong,” K.M. said. He offered to run my Tinder for a night. I knew I should’ve declined, but biological urges are the Achilles heel of rational thinking.
Her features were peculiar; I wasn’t sure where she came from. She had a wonderful hair color-a sort of fiery blonde and orange. So lovely. Her bio mentioned she had two passports.
“Nothing on earth makes a girl’s pussy dry up faster than asking her about the fucking Yugoslav wars,” he said. His language upset me.
I forget what he asked her next. She ended up mentioning she was a nerd. I saw him type “prove you’re a nerd” into the chat box.
“You can’t ask her that. Have you heard of the Fake Geek Girl meme? You’re making me into a parody of an Internet men’s rights douche.”
I’m sure this all sounds fake, but I can assure you it was a real conversation. I spend enough time on the Internet to actually think this way I.R.L. now. My pleas failed to move my friend K.M., who chided me for being timid and weak.
“What you’re doing here,” he started to say while shaking his head, “is putting the pussy on the pedestal.” K.M. really said this. “You have to show her that she needs you, that she needs to prove yourself to you, that she needs your validation and approval. She has to impress you, not the other way around.”
“Why the hell would she go on a date with me if I was being mean to her? I would never go on a date with someone after they insulted me like that,” I argued.
The first match my friend got on my Tinder was a conventionally attractive woman
“Don’t bother messaging this chick. Women only use Tinder to feel attractive when their boyfriends don’t pay enough attention to them. You’ll never get a date or a fuck or a girlfriend out of this so don’t waste your time.”
The vast number of women on Tinder meant they had a never-ending amount of matches, many of which were bound to be more attractive, funnier, smarter, and more successful than you
K.M. pressed on undaunted. He sent that stupid message to the poor girl and she just said “I don’t need to associate with people who ask for proof of my interests.”
K.M. went into full damage control and stunningly managed to get another answer out of the girl after spouting some nonsense about truth. It was only one word though: “Cool.”